Have you ever felt that no matter how hard you try, you just can't integrate into the new culture? And even after living in the country for a long time, learning the culture, and speaking the language, do you still feel like an outsider? Unfortunately, this feeling is not uncommon among expats. But where does it come from? And why?
Why may you always be seen as a foreigner or what is regionally focused mentality?
There are many different ways to express the same idea, but for the sake of convenience, let's introduce the term "regionally focused mentality". We can think of it as a perspective where someone's sense of identity, values, or worldview is strongly connected to a specific region or area's cultural, social, and geographical characteristics. This way of thinking often puts a lot of emphasis on local traditions, norms, and boundaries. Sometimes, this may also translate into a limited acceptance of those who have different ideas and practices or simply come from a different region.
You may have encountered this type of thinking back home. Maybe you know some people who have never lived abroad and who think that life overseas is something "not serious enough" or "just an adventure".
You may also meet people who think similarly in your new host country. After all, it's not entirely implausible for them to assume that you will eventually be moving back home. Thus, they may look at your social and professional commitments here as just temporary.
Because of this, you may always have this lingering feeling of people treating you differently, not taking you seriously, and thinking of you as an outsider, rather than "one of them".
Being "visually" different
Beyond mentality and individual perception, several other circumstances may lead to you constantly feeling "as a foreigner". Being visually different from the local population is one of the most obvious factors here. The way you look, speak, or even dress may set you notably apart—and in a way that feels basically unchangeable. And this may be especially noticeable in homogeneous societies.
For example, in countries like Japan or China where the majority of the population shares similar ethnic backgrounds, these distinctions are often more pronounced. For instance, a Western expat in Japan might be referred to as a "gaijin" (foreigner) no matter how long they have lived in the country or how well they understand Japanese culture. In China, you may often hear people call you a "laowai", regardless of your fluency in Chinese. These "labels" may perpetuate the notion that they are not—and will never be—part of the local identity.
Being culturally different
Locals may often unintentionally assume that expats don't fully understand "what it means" to be part of their culture. And, let's be honest, sometimes this can be true. On the other hand, if this perception persists even after years of living in the country, it can be a constant reminder of foreignness that's difficult to shake.
Beyond language and customs, traditions and shared experiences are also important. Locals may often bond over shared cultural touchpoints (festivals, historical events, or specific humor), which might not resonate with an expat. This lack of shared history can create an unconscious divide, and expats may end up feeling excluded from deeper conversations or social dynamics.
For instance, expats living in Türkiye may not fully understand the significance of Mustafa Kemal Atatürk (the country's first president and "founding father") and the importance of the many celebrations related to his name. Similarly, expats living in Thailand may not share the same emotional connection to Songkran (Thai New Year), which is one of the country's major festivals.
Generalizations and stereotypes about foreigners
Another thing that expats may often find themselves dealing with abroad are stereotypes. Typical stereotypes often center around behavior and lifestyle and end up creating real-life assumptions that may not reflect the reality of your life as an individual expat.
For example, if you are a Western expat in Thailand, the locals may often assume that you are wealthy. In China, it is often assumed that expats from the United States primarily eat hamburgers and French fries. And as funny and untrue as these stereotypes may be, repeated time and time again, they may stand in the way of building authentic connections.
Brian moved to China on a work assignment and immediately started working in a Chinese office. "My colleagues were very nice, and they took me out to lunch every day, which I wasn't used to. But as I was young and from the States, they thought I'd be happy eating junk food every single day of my stay. So, I thought I'd express some interest in local food, and this made things easier, as we could finally go to the restaurants my colleagues actually liked."
Stereotypes may also have deeper repercussions.
In France, for instance, American expats might be perceived as lacking sophistication. While this isn't necessarily negative, it may prevent locals from engaging in deeper intellectual conversations assuming that these won't be appreciated.
Stereotypes may also put expats in a position where they will feel like they always need to prove themselves. Fighting against stereotypes may take a lot of time and effort and can be emotionally draining and further alienating.
The emotional impact of feeling like an outsider
For many expats, the sense of alienation may start with subtle social exclusions. It can be as simple as not being included in a national holiday or feeling invisible at a neighbors' get-together. If these exclusions happen often, they can take a toll on the expats' mental health and self-esteem. Feeling like an outsider in everyday situations—at work, in the community, or among friends—can leave you feeling lonely and inadequate. Over time, these emotions may grow into anxiety, depression, and even a diminished sense of self-worth.
Even when expats work hard to integrate, they may struggle with the imposter syndrome. They may start doubting their very right to belong in their host society. This self-doubt can create a cycle of frustration, where expats feel they are constantly falling short, no matter how much they try to adapt.
Over time, the effort required to integrate into a new society can turn into cultural fatigue. While culture shock is often short and intense, cultural fatigue can be more of a slow burn. It can even come from everyday tasks: getting through local paperwork, adjusting to the unspoken social rules, and trying to fit in.
For example, another issue that Brian ran into when working in China was the importance of guanxi (relationship networks). "Most evenings, I was invited to company and client dinners, and these were invitations I could not refuse. These dinners often lasted for several hours and could even switch between a few restaurants during one night. How I saw it, we were turning something that was a 30-minute meeting into an expensive two-hour-long dinner. But this was the way—and I had to adjust."
Is there a way to reverse the not belonging?
The feeling of "not belonging" can be quite complex to unpack. There may be many reasons for it, and no one-fits-all solution. If you are continuously feeling that your host country is making you feel uncomfortable, it may be best to talk to a therapist or a relocation expert so that you can address the specifics of your situation.
With that said, there are a few practices that can bring you a step closer to feeling more at home.
One of the most effective ways to overcome feelings of exclusion is to be proactive in your social life. Do your best to attend local events, participate in festivals, or volunteer for community projects. This may take time, but eventually, this is how you may be able to build authentic relationships.
Learning the local language is one of the most powerful tools for integration. Speaking your host country's language will not only make your life more convenient. It can also be a signal to the local community that you are committed to your life here and understanding your new destination.
Rather than trying to fully assimilate or completely rework your identity, accept that you may now have a dual one. There is nothing wrong with being proud of your roots while also enjoying your life abroad and doing your best to adapt to local transitions.
If you feel that stereotypes are creating distance, be the first to initiate a cultural exchange—just like Brian did. Share your unique individual story and be open about your willingness to explore new ideas and ways of life.
True integration takes time. And it's important to be patient—both with your new community and yourself. Building real acceptance and understanding can take years.
Talk to other expats and learn from their experiences. This may be the easiest way to feel less alone—and to have a genuine conversation with someone who knows exactly what you are going through.
Sometimes, you may have to admit that you will always feel like a foreigner in your new destination. Some countries are just harder to fit into than others. And people are different too—you may simply find "the work of fitting in" too stressful and overwhelming. Finally, some expats feel perfectly comfortable being expats all the way and keeping their new destination at a distance.
