Love and marriage in Turkey
Turkish traditions and culture surrounding the world of love and marriage can be strange to outsiders - and not a little old fashioned. We explore dating, engagement, love and marriage in Turkey and all its glorious variety.
Dating in Turkey
In larger cities, dating is more relaxed. But in Turkey's more rural communities the old traditions still live on: arranged marriages, strange rituals like womens鈥� single status being 鈥渁dvertised鈥� with an empty bottle on the roof of a house (a man would knock the bottle off in order to be assessed for marriage suitability - by the woman鈥檚 father, of course).in general, even in larger, less conservative cities, dating is a serious enterprise, and there isn鈥檛 a lot of casual dating going on. Oddly, an 鈥淚 love you鈥� comes quite early on - and it鈥檚 followed by romantic gestures to prove the strength of your love. That could be flowers, gifts or big romantic gestures. To those of us coming from the western world, this kind of behaviour is not only over the top - it鈥檚 a bit creepy. But in Turkey these gestures are considered sweet, and simply a sign of devotion. Of course, it鈥檚 the man that does all the running around. However, society is changing and as Turkey grows into its twenty-first century skin, traditions are changing, with women shifting from a passive to an active role - including in the realm of courtship.
Despite recent changes, Turkish dating culture remains conservative, especially outside of the larger cities. There鈥檚 no living together before marriage, and sex before marriage simply isn鈥檛 discussed. However, one aspect of modern dating has taken off in Turkey: online dating. It's rare to find a singleton in the city who's not swiping away on Tinder, or spending their free time perusing dating sites.Engagement in Turkey
It鈥檒l come as a surprise to no one that Turks love to celebrate wedding nuptials with food, music and lots of dancing. But let鈥檚 rewind a little. In the past, there were several kinds of marriages, especially in rural areas where cultural influences are so varied. Generally, Turkish tradition dictates that the groom鈥檚 family will search for a suitable wife, starting with their family and friendship circles. Once a woman is selected, the potential bride and her family decide whether to accept. Today, it鈥檚 only in very rural parts of Turkey that this tradition prevails, and most couples meet the same way the rest of us do - through friends or online. However, it鈥檚 rare for a couple to get engaged without the blessing of both families. The groom must ask for the bride鈥檚 hand in marriage, while the bride should make a perfect cup of coffee. Once the agreement is reached the bride鈥檚 family throws an engagement party, where the lovebirds exchange engagement rings.
Getting married in Turkey
In Turkey, you must be married in a legal civil ceremony. Many couples choose to have a religious ceremony a few days before the legal ceremony, where they invite family and friends to a service and then reception - much like western-style weddings.
The build up to a Turkish wedding is just as important as the ceremony, however.Three nights before the wedding, the women gather together for the henna evening. The bride will wear a purple or red dress, and a red veil. The groom鈥檚 mother presents a tray of henna balls. She then puts a gold coin in the bride鈥檚 palm, and covers it with a piece of henna. The hand is wrapped in gauze and a red glove until the henna sets. While they wait, the women sing songs - some sad, as the bride will be leaving home, and some upbeat, celebrating the couple鈥檚 love.
Two nights before the wedding there鈥檚 often a wedding party held in the bride鈥檚 Turkish home, especially when the couple are from two different villages or regions of Turkey. On the third night, the official wedding takes place. It鈥檚 held in the groom鈥檚 home and the couple dances the night away and feasts on delicious foods.On the morning of the official ceremony, the groom and his groomsmen put the Turkish flag in front of the soon-to-be marital Turkish villa, accompanied by drumming and pipes.
In the afternoon, the groom鈥檚 family pick the bride up in a convoy of cars decked out by flowers and streamers. Sometimes, children follow the cars or even sit in front of them, waiting for the passengers to hand out envelopes of money.
At the wedding, you鈥檒l be expected to pin money onto the bride鈥檚 dress when its your turn to offer congratulations.
And last but not least, expect to see the bride and groom trying to step on each other鈥檚 toes as they sign the marriage certificate - this represents the desire to have the 鈥渇inal word鈥� in the marriage.
