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My wife is viet as well. We have stopped buying gifts for family members  for quite some time now. We do how ever take everyone out for family meals and local trips.

Which is much better. No one gets left out unless they do not want to go. If family are already wealthy  sounds like they are selfish.  See what happens when you do not buy anything.

...This cannot be common, is it?
       -@ashtray9

No, it isn't.

Now then, what should that tell you?

What to say, hmmm

Maybe

1. Your fault to start off with setting the benchmarks (fancy, super expensive gifts).

2. Best to be honest and either tell them or if there's a language barrier, at least tell your wife that you cannot afford such expenses and/or clarify your financial situation.

3. Giving gifts is not just good but also a way to show respect and that you care. For me, that means nr1, smart/educational toys or things like books for the kids, showing that you care about them, then maybe local specialties like food, snacks, beverage, tea etc from your home country, this allows them to share and enjoy together, as well as try/taste something "exotic" or maybe even some sort of health care products, which also signals that you try to provide help or support and care about them.

If that is not enough, I'd cut all ties and tell em to get lost.

@ashtray9

I glad your awareness that you are already an ATM for them. I recommend letting your wife handle her family, while you focus on discussing this matter with her.

@ashtray9 You must be mad.  Forget the comments about showing respect - all nonsense.  Keep your cash safely in your home country.

@snake77 💯

Sounds like you need to have a serious discussion with your wife. My wife is the one that puts the kibash on that nonsense. Wealthy viets are arrogant abusers. They are playing a dominance game with you. They probably laugh about how easily they can manipulate you. You are their b…

If you have the cajones to turn the tables on them then they will be dramatic and emotional (fake anger). You’ll need to ignore them. If you live near them then you might need to move to a different city. You’re going to need your wife on board if not you need a better job.

Sounds like you need to have a serious discussion with your wife. My wife is the one that puts the kibash on that nonsense. Wealthy viets are arrogant abusers. They are playing a dominance game with you. They probably laugh about how easily they can manipulate you. You are their b…
If you have the cajones to turn the tables on them then they will be dramatic and emotional (fake anger). You’ll need to ignore them. If you live near them then you might need to move to a different city. You’re going to need your wife on board if not you need a better job. - @mitsmaak

I must agree w you. Marrying and living in Viet Nam, experienced similar but not exactly but not 'exactly' the same circumstances. A few years ago ( as an example ) we were asked to help buy some property to build a house, we and sister in law split the amount, the brother in law was able to buy the property in Dalat. Soon afterward, he whined, now he didn't have the money to build the house. Stating: "Please help me one more time. Whole family told him to "work!" for it. Your statement is mostly correct, some Vietnamese push the limits of compassion and loving kindness.

mAC

mAC

The difference between gift and request, I think it's quite clear! If you can and want to make a gift, there doesn't matter how expensive could be! A gift could cost 0.2 usd (or whatever currency are you using) or could be 500 usd ... (BTW Vietnamese laws is clear about how expensive a thing could be considered a gift! Pay attention also to that!) Now... IF YOU want to make a gift, doesn't matter with which occasion, that's nice and kind of you... BUT ... IF THEY request ANY kind of "gifts" from you, that's  different situation! When someone request something they must to be ready to pay for that... unless you consider that's not necessary! If anyone from their family is requesting to you something from abroad... great, tell them the price and ask them for the money! The gift it will be your kindness to buy it and bring to them! - isn't your problem how wealthy are they, but in the same time isn't their problem how much you earn! You must know for yourself when to say stop to a situation like this! If you want to be the extended family sponsor... your choice!

I bring candy and maybe a book. Sometimes creamer for coffee. That’s about all and don’t expect anything in return. I’ve helped Vietnamese before in America. I say this with respect… They like me but I will never be Vietnamese to them even though I’m family now. Even in my American family I’ve learned to know my place and actually it’s comforting in a way to have it and be out of any drama. The main thing is I do as my wife says, respect her family and culture and let her tell me what when and where. At least I don’t have a cheating two timing bride you often find in my area of the world Either way my foot is in the door for living in the area and that’s a great life experience. So far…

I am only sharing this with respect and not meaning to take over any conversation.

@sorind72 Great approach btw. Seems that the OP has lost interest in his discussion...hmmm.

@sorind72 Great approach btw. Seems that the OP has lost interest in his discussion...hmmm. - @mitsmaak

You are right.

The last time ashtray9 visited the forum was 2 days after posting this thread.

@sorind72 Great approach btw. Seems that the OP has lost interest in his discussion...hmmm.  - @mitsmaak
You are right.
The last time ashtray9 visited the forum was 2 days after posting this thread. - @Cheryl

The OP isn't the only one to lose interest in another complaint thread that only serves to magnify the misery of the participants as they perpetuate negative stereotypes of Vietnamese in-laws.