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Immigration abuse /short stay visa for girlfriend

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alphabetcity

Hello everyone.
Wish you a healthy year.
I have an immigration question.  it's a long, painful and awful story but  I  have to tell you the circumstances in order to understand the situation.
.
I met my partner online 15 years ago. We were in our mid forties (43-44-). I left the USA with my corporate job to come to be with me. The relationship has been great for 4 years. We never got into an argument, I never could express myself because he is not talkative and  he always avoids conflict.
Things got a bit challenging after the honeymoon was gone. I had to learn the language which he never helps me. He has never made any effort to help me integrate...but I did.  He doesn't have friends resulting I don't have. He doesn't interact with his family except when I leave for visiting mine in the USA. He always wants to be with me. He kept me his exclusivity in a way that I really think it was the big love. He doesn't let me use the car that we bought together. He doesn't let me have my own car either, he said we do not need 2 cars. He has 2 motorbikes, multiple watches, 4 bicycles.
He likes to buy me extremely expensive clothing so I can parade with him when we go strolling on the street.  I am not comfortable with all of that but I did it to please him.
I learned Dutch in order to have a government job, I volunteered for the London and Rio Olympics, I was involved in my community , helping the refugees to give me some fruitful sense to my life besides him and when he works in shift.
Everything we do it's always together? Riding bicycle a lot. Rarely he will go to the movies with me or the restaurant because he doesn't like that.
He said that he doesn't stop me to have friends but he will not go with me when invited  for dinner that leads to I can't invite them over. I felt also embarrassed.
We visited 27 countries that I prepared from A to Z.(with my own money). It was an arrangement since I do not contribute to the household finances. He only showed up with his camera and his passport.  He is not romantic at all on vacation, only busy with his picture. He labeled me as his  lovie-dovie assistant to carry his stuff. I love traveling but I am not complaining about the arrangement. I cooked. He cleaned and did laundry because he likes to have it his way.

I started to get depressed from being alone in a relationship... and him bossing me passively. He started accusing me of  being changed  and he didn't recognize the strong, attractive american lady that I was before.
I am getting more depressed.
âš  âš 
Now the awful part of the situation.
I found out that he started an affair with a young girl from a Caribbean country that we both met on vacation. He decided to help her by paying her school. I accepted because that's what I do , helping others. I love that. I am a volunteer in the soul.
3 years ago when we returned to that country to see our protégée's family and to spend some time with, I caught the girl in our room, her head in his pants. My first reaction was to take a picture and I left them.
He never said anything. He never validated my feelings up until today.  I never had any explanation. Horrible 2 weeks of holidays.
the day that we left, I fainted at the airport. The airport staff blamed the heatwave. I had terrible pain  during the 11 hour flight to Paris. I vomited on the Thalys from Paris to Antwerpen. I spent a night with excruciating pain and finally I went to the hospital. The test revealed that I have been poisoned. After a month at the hospital, He said to me, it's better that you go to America to have support system and to be with your family. When you will feel better, you will come back to Belgium and we will start on a new slate.

He wanted to push me away  in order not to press charges and for his entourage (family, work)  not to know his dirty actions.
in the meantime, my situation got worsened. I underwent several surgeries. I lost part of my colon. I have a cane, crutches and sometimes wheelchair when traveling. I have been recognized as a
"Belgian Disabled Public servant"
I have to tell you that he never encourages me to get better treatment in Belgium. He wants me to stay in America.

On March 2020, the first day of the Corona outbreak, he called me to tell me that he has a girlfriend in South Africa that he met online and he would like to have her coming to live with him but the Consulate of Cape Town is asking why I am still registered at this address. He wanted me to sign a paper saying that he is not romantically involved with me.
I said what do you mean? He said that he removed me from the domestic partnership because I was not there. He waited for me and I never came. After 3 years he had to move on and he did it since september 2018. He went  multiple times on vacation to SA to meet her. Her adult children that I have raised during visitation rights and brought on vacation, cooked, cleaned and helped with their homework in french until the age of 18 met this woman.
I have to tell you that nobody in his side of the family ever returned my phone call when I was in despair.

I could not believe my ears? I cried a lot when I realized, he chose this pandemic moment to speed my health deterioration knowing that the USA went on lockdown without possibilities of going to hospitals because it has been reserved for COVID patients. He insinuated if I didn't write and legalize the paper for the consulate, he will throw away my memorabilia all my vacation memories, all my stuff. He would have gone to the City Hall to let them know that I abandoned the residence and there is nothing i can do  about it. That's his word against mine...and  he concluded " you are not here, right?"

I scanned him the paper he asked for.

The same day, I wrote to the embassy with a copy to the City Hall explaining the whole situation like you have been read, including

medical record .....
statement from the airport
disability statement as a Public Servant
screenshot of conversations between him and the teen age girl giving her promises
picture of girl on 14 of February 2017 giving him sexual favors
screenshots of our conversation showing his dirty  and manipulative actions.

Both the consulate and the city Hall  wrote me back and said that they are taking this into consideration and they wish me good health .

I called the consulate 2 times to tell my sorrow and my frustration. Last week they said they are not granting visa during Corona crisis...but they can't tell anything about this particular case.

Since then, I have been frustrated because I don't think it's fair if the consulate will grant a visa  "some day" to this person. I am not blaming this Lady. She is also a victim but does she know that or will the consulate allow that to occur again?

Note:  he has a history of asking for visas and marries exotic women to give them papers and to leave them after. (sound like illegal activity but in reality, he just used vulnerable people and the system). He will go his way...anyway for his conquest.
I have been told there is an article in the Belgian law called immigration abuse.

I am a Belgian American. He is a Belgian. She is another nationality living in South Africa. South Africans do not need visas for Belgium.

Now Dear People,
What are the odds of granting  a visa to this woman ?
Do you think with all the misfortune and damage done to me, justice will be served.

Thank you for your time.

Thank you to anyone who has knowledge or experience about immigration for reassuring me.

Jaci78

Dear!
I just want to say I empathise with you and I hope you get justice. Many African girls have died in the arms of such men.

alphabetcity

Thank you for your empathy.
Do you think a visa will be granted to this Lady  taking into account the circumstances.
Take care

Jaci78

Am not an expert on this but when you done live in the same address more than a year the judge can grant him divorce and he can bring the other woman here.

alphabetcity

OK. Thank you for the answer.
We were never married . we were in a domestic partnership  and one  of his former mistress  poisoned me  that makes me  permanently disabled. I am on a wheelchair and the authorities has all the  medical record.
I thought that could be a criminal offense to deny his request of  luring other potential victims and to bring them in Belgium.
It seems like it's not as important as leaving a dangerous situation.
I figured that the victim 'me" has to be punished and to blame.
Have a great day. Thank you for your time.

Jaci78

Am really sorry to hear about this. Unfortunate many foreign girls/women have gone through this, the worst scenario was found dead somewhere and nothing was done to the guy.
I wish you the best and I hope and pray you get justice. Thank God for your dear life. We say what goes around comes around. I really wish you the best.

Cynic

Hi and welcome to the Forum.

Having read your sad story, all I can say is I'm sorry this has happened to you and even if the idiot is still walking the streets of Belgium, that you have done your utmost to expose him for what he is and that no other poor woman falls for his charms.

Cynic
Expat Team

alphabetcity

Thank you for your support.

AlexFromBelgium

Alright, it's a sad story and I truly empathize as the end completely suxxxxxx...

But now, back on the topic and let's be a bit realistic, I might looks like the devil advocate but I feel it's important for you to understand:
you did not file a complaint while you were still in Belgium or elsewhere as far as i've understood............... and it's super super super super important. I'm not blaming you, but that's what you should have done....... It's always easy to say it afterward... true....  :(

So what's going to happened? In my opinion, the visa process of the new so girlfriend will be ongoing. MAYBE the embassy advice to check the case will be taken into account by the immigration in Belgium. Great, it means more delay of the delivery because there's gonna be an investigation. But in the end, the immigration will have no proof of what you're stating and it means: VOID
If he has a good enough job & house, the visa will be granted for sure...


Just because there's no file or current legal investigation against him... sad but i'm 99.999999999999999% sure that's what's going to happen... :/

alphabetcity

Thank you so much for your response.

I totally understand the legal matter of it.
I didn't press charges because
1) I wanted to protect him, to protect our relationship.
2) I was not in a state physically and mentally to do it  (coma and hospitalization in Belgium
...but there is a "constatation des faits/findings of facts" that can be reopened. The st limitations  of status is not over. I still can press charges.

The Board of doctors from the Department of Labour put  me on retirement as a disabled Public Servant following my health deterioriation.

3) Up to today, I am still registered as the same address as him. I am away for treatment and caught in the pandemic with underlying conditions.

The immigration is investigating the case  because he has a history of  wrongdoing and playing the system. iI have questioned. He has been questioned).

Before granting the visa,

First of all,  he  will have to throw me  and my belongings on the streets because I am still legally and administratively registered at "our address".

Secondly ; He  will have to explain why  he brought me to the hospital with a poison in my system. As his legal domestic partner, why he didn't report that to the police while I was incapable to do so.

I guess that what the Belgian Law says : assist your "legal companion or wife  in case of danger when this person is not in state. Assistance à personne en danger.

Why shipping me to the states right after my hospital discharge instead of continuing my treatment in Belgium.

I am aware that  I failed to press charges (by incapacity and by emotions)

I am aware that he has a good house and a super great Job.

I am aware that the medical report, the circumstances, the findings of facts, the retirement following my permanent disability won't be enough.

His multiple  correspondences that he acknowledged his involvement and said sorry in order to soften me, not to expose him and bring that further

I come to the realization that I don't have a case and the immigration might grant a visa to his girlfriend...and so be it.

Thank you for the great insight. Have a great day.

SimCityAT

I really can't add much more as I am not a legal expert. But I can say is! Make sure all your money is locked away from their hands.

Stay safe


SimCityAT
Expat Team

alphabetcity

Thank you so much for your advice.

I really appreciate your taking the time.

Stay Safe
Stay Healthy

Amber2021

So sorry to read such a sad story...

I don't want to sound like a bad person, but I have to say this:

You wrote that one of the reasons you did not file a lawsuit against him was that you wanted to protect him, to protect your relationship.

Seriously?!!! Wake up!!! He poisoned you (probably there are evidences to prove this), and you wanted to protect him?!!! To protect your relationship?!! There was probably NO relationship between you two long ago!

I think you are much more intelligent, reasonable than that.

You are a strong, independent, wise woman, you don't need anyone to live together in this world, you have millions reasons to jump out of a toxic (actually poison was there) relationship like this.

Gather your evidence and file a lawsuit against him of "MURDER", if you want your justice, take some actions, you can only get the justice you want through this way.

About that girl, I am not sure if you really care about her, so you think you have an obligation to reveal this to the authority , so she won't get her visa, OR you just did not accept that your relationship with this garbage (yes I would say he is garbage) is OVER, and he has someone else with him. If it is the first reason, you can do that, it is the right thing to do. if it is reason two then I would suggest you quit, it is none of your business who he wants to be with.

Your ultimate job is to send him in JAIL to serve for the justice you want.

Sorry for my strong language.
I really hope you get well soon and find your wisdom and strength to move forward.

Jaci78

To add to what Amber2021 has said, you will look like you jealous of the new girl he has. Please heal first and start fighting for your justice. Many have been killed in the name of he loves me and I love him.

alphabetcity

Thank you so much for your response and your advice.

I do not want to excuse anyone but I have  to be true to myself and to others.

I never wrote that HE POISONED ME; I have been a victim of a "love triangle". 
I  was poisoned by a teenager girl with whom he had an emotional affair that became physical when we met the girl and her family in her country. It was a 3 year patronage.
The family or the girl poisoned me the day that I left hoping that I would die in a 11-hour flight .

I don't want to excuse the way that I handled the situation.
I didn't know that I was not in a relationship since there was no sign, no physical evidence  before my eyes.  It was  an online betrayal with our "protégé"..

I was never confronted to this situation before (coma, hospitalization, fight for my life such disappointments and emotional pain).

I am not  a strong person. I didn't know better. That's the way  it is.
Some people are strong some people are weak.
Some people are intelligent. Some not.
Some people are clairvoyant. Some Not.;;; and there are the others.
THERE ARE ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE IN ALL WALKS OF LIFE;

I found some solace not to be too harsh on myself because this could happen and  could have happened  and will happen  to  other women far more important, far more intelligent, far more lucid than me who didn't see or  have not seen this type of events coming.

in the meantime, my  partner has been feeding me with hope and consideration that reveals later he is a perverse narcissist.

I am starting to get back on my feet with the help of therapy. I am working on being a stronger person (physically and mentally), not to accept his crap  and manipulative ways, to take control of my life.

I am taking steps towards my rehabilitation and to have his actions  if it's not condemned but at least  to be legally documented.
Not because he had an affair but by abusing my naivety,and putting my life in danger by a third party and statutory rape.

@jaci
Yes, the embassy and the authorities know that I am jealous and I  Have ave been  a scorned woman and a victim of my ignorance. Yes I am deeply hurt.
Those are not strong arguments to deny her visa...

but behind any legal system, behind  the person or the group of persons  who will make "the final decision for the visa" there is a "human being", a mother , a father, a brother, a daughter, a lawmaker  with morality and humanity.

Having affairs, adulteries are not punishable by the Belgian Law. Those are not criminal offenses. It's  cultural.(it happens in high profile people)

Having affair with an under aged girl (considered as our daughter,protégé) leading to an attempt of murder have to be fitting  somewhere in  some articles of the Belgian Law.
If they don't do it for me but they have the duty to protect their citizens against such individual.

Thank you to everyone who takes the time to lift me up with encouraging words,  to empathize , to  lift my spirit,  to guide with advice and recommendation.

Take care.

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