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Well it’s not my place to say but I were you I would take up the offer of a divorce. He doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t provide for you... in his mind there’s no need because he hasn’t had to work hard to keep you. You’ve given him your identity, finances, and what has he given in return? Let this be a lesson learnt that you never, EVER give more than you get from a man. Doesn’t matter where he’s from, men know what they need to do... he just doesn’t want to.

Also you say you met him in Dubai - a very wealthy country so there was absolutely no excuse for you to be paying his keep.

Hello Amina,

If the story as you exactly mentioned, then, it indicates that, unfortunately, you did not know your husband well.
Unfortunately, Keep paying money for him was not right, as he's a man and should work for his family.

You can try to speak to one of his family members, and explain the situation (if u speak Arabic) or any of his brothers/sisters.

But, since it's a fact now, it's better for your to start thinking of the options that you have in this tough situation.

Like getting the divorce and your daughter, and forget about the money you paid, or, any other option that you feel best for you.

Very sorry for that, hope that things will get better.

Regards
Amr

hi.. iam in same boat as u.. first off r u married through the courts n the German embassy in cairo.. its the only place u can get married as ur not Egyptian or u have ofi marriage
I thought I was married n he kept saying I was his. n when I said I wonted divorce he said never
turns out iam not marryed.. luck didt do it through the courts nor registered it in my country
I also used 2 send him money through wu he used 2 get annoyed when I used 2 say haven't enough 2 give u this mth.. n when I did send he still get annoyed cuz I didt send enough. he he used 2 say he was ill in hospital n needed money to pay the bill there was always something

I also convered 2 muslim as thought it would make life a bit easier.. now iv changed bk unfortunately though ur child will remain Muslim.. just  like my son
unless u didt put in on the birth certificate.. silly me did.. now I keep getting calls 2 this day 10 yrs saying he won't his son n I have 2 come 2 egypt he lives me ect
but I know as soon as I go bk I be killed
if u move 2 egypt.. he will never devoice u.. if ur not planning on going to Egypt 4get him n don't give him anymore money  if u go he will take child of u n tell u 2 go back or kick u out without no money.. he will disown u but never divorce u..
like I said I had same trouble
good luck

Dear sister,
I can see much realetion between both of you, it's maraige and we Muslims marriage for us is "methaq ghalez" in quran that meens tight relation, in Egypt girls not meant to harresment except from few bad guys as any country else, as known Egypt have azhar orginize and dar el eftaa wish ment to ask any quastion in Muslims asks, as soon as possible ask azhar I suggest,
As advise keep to your husband and Egypt especially alexandria is a beautiful country, stay in Egypt travel for vacancies to your country and internal Egypt also,
I wish it's problem and pass,
Greeting for husband and dughter

I am an American and I had few cases such this, for your question part one is not true that girls are circumcised in Egypt, but still you said he is from a village near Alexandria...Which village it makes different if they are Arab or Egyptian... Arab do not marry their girls only to Arab, Egyptian in the other hand no problem...And there is many Arab living people in Villages near Alexandria...
Second Part yes he is using you... Islamic religion... he should be the one who support his family (you and your daughter) before he support anyone else...nor take from his own family to send money away...  I suggest you ask for divorce or he support his own family..
Thanks

Thank you very much for your answers.
Each one tries to give an objective and subjective view based on their experiences and I am very grateful for that!

I would like to understand in general how one can rely on the assertion that I as a wife should do everything for my family, from an Islamic point of view.
This means that I gave him my money to send to Egypt and financed everything for my family in the name of religion. I did it for Allah( subhanahu wa ta'ala) as a Muslim woman that I had given him everything.
But now I see that Egyptians before getting married should put some money (apartment) for their fiancée. Also an Egyptian woman does not have to work.
Am I being lied to or are Egyptian women also out to do everything for the family (work etc).
I want to understand if I am being lied to in the name of religion (Islam) to put all my money for my family or if it is right to do so. That is what I want to understand.
I would be very grateful to you again for answers on how this understanding of money is lived in Egypt.

I guess this reply is very good, and would add to it that girls are not automatically circumcised even in small villages unless it is remotely located or it is the family's decision
Also, it is the man's prime duty to support his family or his manhood would be questioned … a woman may support here family of husband in case of his serious sickness or disability... if she is willing only but not as a duty
Speak to the old wise men of his family and they will definitely put him on the right track for a Muslim and/or an Egyptian man
what he is doing- if your story is precise-     is shaming the Egyptian men
good luck
[link moderated]/

Actually Islam order the man to spend on the woman in every thing , even if she work and have her own income ,  I am astonished how people get their information about islam from people while there is many books and professors , univsity and internet encyclopedia  said every right informant  ,  Egypt have uni called Azhar , it is islamic International university and have place there for questions 

Islam isn't totally specific in regards to marriage and each country has its different traditions. As your husband is from Egypt here are the general rules here. A man wishing to marry a woman should first approach the family and if the suitor is accepted the couple becomes engaged (bear in mind that prior to the engagement the couple should not be together without a chaperone). The bride's family usually pays for the engagement party. The man must be an amount of gold jewelry that is given to the woman prior to the marriage, it is called "shabka". The man should buy an apartment or already own one. The furnishing of the apartment is paid for jointly by the families with rules varying from region to region. The family of the bride usually buys the bedroom furniture. The groom's family pays for the actual wedding. Once married it is the responsibility of the man to support his wife and family and it would be shameful for him not to. In rural areas, the woman doesn't usually work, but in urban areas often the couple both have jobs and the woman continues to work until children come along but their money is for themselves and the man should pay for the cost of living. I don't know why you have been sending money to Egypt but you are unlikely to see it again. Also, be aware that if you move to Egypt, under the law here, if you wish to travel outside of Egypt with your child you need his permission as men are classed as the primary parent. I think you know by now that you are not in a secure, loving relationship and must act without letting your heart rule your head. I hope things turn out well for you.

telaw wrote:

Islam isn't totally specific in regards to marriage and each country has its different traditions. As your husband is from Egypt here are the general rules here. A man wishing to marry a woman should first approach the family and if the suitor is accepted the couple becomes engaged (bear in mind that prior to the engagement the couple should not be together without a chaperone). The bride's family usually pays for the engagement party. The man must be an amount of gold jewelry that is given to the woman prior to the marriage, it is called "shabka". The man should buy an apartment or already own one. The furnishing of the apartment is paid for jointly by the families with rules varying from region to region. The family of the bride usually buys the bedroom furniture. The groom's family pays for the actual wedding. Once married it is the responsibility of the man to support his wife and family and it would be shameful for him not to. In rural areas, the woman doesn't usually work, but in urban areas often the couple both have jobs and the woman continues to work until children come along but their money is for themselves and the man should pay for the cost of living. I don't know why you have been sending money to Egypt but you are unlikely to see it again. Also, be aware that if you move to Egypt, under the law here, if you wish to travel outside of Egypt with your child you need his permission as men are classed as the primary parent. I think you know by now that you are not in a secure, loving relationship and must act without letting your heart rule your head. I hope things turn out well for you.

for most of the point related to Egyptian tradition I agree and confirm , as Egyptian , it is 85% right 

for the point about that islam " Islam isn't totally specific in regards to marriage  " 
I do not agree if you allow me

islam was so clear about the basic points 
and that is mention in Quran ( the holy book for all muslims )
and most of them in Sura 4 that known with " women Sura   Al nesaa' النساء
for example :
the responsibly about spending and care , provide the woman is mention in
" Sura 4  - verse 34 

that every man must pay the bride dowry as she wish
Sura 4 - verse 4 

work for woman in case it is safe and respect 
Sura 4 verse 32


etc
so as tradiotn it is may vary 
but the rules of Quran and islam is so Clear for every muslim wife 

I feel so upset that she meet this kind of people imitating he is a muslim , and saying wrong ideas not mention in Quran or Sunna or any source of islam I know , I am talking about the husband

Thnks

That is correct that the role distributions
are specified in the Koran. Traditions also play a big role in Egypt. Basically, the Isalm is subordinated in many countries in favor of culture, I can say that from my experience. But the distribution of roles is clearly laid out.

I know my still-husband from Dubai, I worked there and he also, he had lost his job - reeducated me Islamically and said that family is the most important thing and that me as his future wife has same like him to do everything for our family. He was always there, never let me alone- forbade me contact with my family, they were Christians and therefore infidels/kafr- We wanted to marry, but he found as an Egyptian no work in Dubai and I financed us.
He had to go back to Egypt, so I went back to Germany to continue the way in Germany. I sent him very good money because he couldn't find work in his home country, money for marriage papers, language course. He controlled on me daily in Skype.
After the wedding in Alexandria he could not learn the German language. So I went to Switzerland to bring him to Switzerland.
We went to Germany. After years he got his own salary and sent it to Egypt because he was planning to emigrate to Egypt with us (little daughter). Everything always went from my account, rent , cell phones etc . He sent our salaries to Egypt and when I found out about the circumcision and said I don't want to go to Egypt , he wanted to divorce me and made me move out .

His arguments are always: the best among women is responsible for her family and supports her husband where she can.
Since I was isolated for years, I believed his version/ arguments of Islam, that the man manages all the money alone and the woman's money goes into the hands of the man. I obeyed him in everything without argument, because he only wants the best for his family.

Hamdulillah for a beautiful healthy little child and parents who still stand behind me after years of sponsorship.
Thank you very much for your answers.

"He was always there, never let me alone- forbade me contact with my family, they were Christians and therefore infidels/kafr-" This is not a nice man at all. Muslims and Christians work and mix well together in Egypt and President Sisi has made great strives to prevent this kind of thinking. As a Muslim, I have many Christian friends and colleagues. He was trying to isolate you from your family by falsely using Islam. Only extremists think that way.

hi I agree.. if u send ur daughter 2 egypt u will never see her again..n villages do still carry out what u wonted 2 know as u said ur husband comes from a village... I got out of Egypt but it took me many yrs.. as he tryed 2 control me hind my passport took my money ex saying same as u.. can u send private message n I can explain better think u need help I'm not an expert but we have both been through the same

Alright let me explain for you how it works:

Q)I would like to understand in general how one can rely on the assertion that I as a wife should do everything for my family, from an Islamic point of view.

A) Answer to this is no... Islamic point of view does not say that, on other hand if life is harsh and need cooperation, then both will work half and half to support their own family (IE: wife, husband and kids)...

Q) This means that I gave him my money to send to Egypt and financed everything for my family in the name of religion. I did it for Allah( subhanahu wa ta'ala) as a Muslim woman that I had given him everything.

A) If you already did that for Allah, then Allah will reward you greatly... Again I say its wrong to do so as he should be the one to support his own family, meanwhile if his income not enough then help is not bad (BUT ONLY TO OWN FAMILY AND NOT STRANGERS)...
Even in Ied when you slotter a cheap you give a part to you first, then part to relative, then part to strangers.

Q) But now I see that Egyptians before getting married should put some money (apartment) for their fiancée. Also an Egyptian woman does not have to work.

A) Depend (culturally) families here trying to protect their own girls, not realizing that he buy the apartment in his own name which means if divorce happens then he still get the apartment... Only in certain circumstances where women get the apartment...

The correct part that he put money for the girl family to buy a furniture, which sometime is more expensive than the amount of money he put (She gets that if divorce happened).
Most of them now do something called (Qaema)  in divorce states that she gets for example (this much money, or this and that).

Q) Am I being lied to or are Egyptian women also out to do everything for the family (work etc.).I want to understand if I am being lied to in the name of religion (Islam) to put all my money for my family or if it is right to do so. That is what I want to understand.

A) Yes you been lied to...Especially in the name of (Islam), Islam never (and I repaid, never) state that... And yes truly women out to work but not to do everything (ITS a joint effort to support the family).


I would be very grateful to you again for answers on how this understanding of money is lived in Egypt.

My greatest advise for you if he does not take care of his own family, THEN GET A DIVORCE.

This is not Islam, rather a guy who using you...

Salamu Alikom Sister,
sorry if it's late reply, hope it's not  too late, first I'm so sorry for this comment, I know you won't like it even if you know it's the truth.
first, this is advice to sister not judgement and I don't know him so won't speak in his absence and of course he is your husband which means I don't like to speak bad about him as also a father of your child.
as this has been said.
being Muslim doesn't grant you Jannah, and of course won't turn you to n angle, it's just different level.
NO Angels in human form.
we all go throw hard times, but it doesn't mean we relay total and permanently on someone else, no matter who he is.
WE Are Committed to  provide something to our people based on our rule.
Person who doesn't do above , won't care about anyone else apart from himself.
fouling yourself for desire, love, pity, won't grant the outcome, it will be worse position that is all.
taking advantage is all bad people look for to take things they don't deserve, and the key point hiding there true intentions.
Don't expect a bad person to tell you hey i want to take your money.
finally you can't see intentions but you can feel them and test people to prof it.

if you already stuck, give nothing, and you will be freed, no one will spend money or effort unless getting something in return, if you stop giving you will have your child back after some time, other ways you both will be stuck and no one will be able to help you.

I'm sorry for all what you have been throw

Absolutely typical liar used you coniuiosly, Islam is obligating him to spend money in his family as much as he can afford while you can be the richest wife but you don’t have to spend a penny at all, that is Islamically,
I come from Muslim background I read and studied enough - I think - about women right. That’s one part
Another one all Arab community men are obligated culturally to do it all to finance the family not the opposite. Do yourself a favor and reconsidering all those,
Am sorry for whatever you gone through we all got our shares in different things as burden ,
If you would like any further information support : kindly inbox me , will be gladly to do so

First of all FGM is  against the LAW in Egypt no DR will ever do this no matter how much money you give them.

I’m so sorry to hear about your circumstances it is really embarrassing to hear. However, I’m going to state the obvious Egypt has a class system. No man from a good background would ever ask their wife to be the main source of income this would be shameful upon the family.

Your supporting him to get a European passport in addition, to sending money to Egypt. Sorry yet this is classic low class !! Be careful

Hi,

For your and your daughter's safety, immediately divorce him.

The mentality of most of the people is very sick here. They emotionally and mentally traumatize.

Stay safe and alert. If you need anything you can reach out.

I think divorce is the only answer given the financial and emotional abuse occurring in this relationship. If you can het out and take your child with you safely, do it.