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Welcome to the forum Aussie.

Do your research and do it well, running away never solved problems.

I have been where you are at certain levels but always manned up and well looked after my children. The ex wife not so much after a million dollar pay out and next week she cries poor.

Yep been through the audit crap from the apparent do-gooders and simply said to my ex wife if you want to pursue then next year I won't make any money and nothing for our children, you want to push the needle in to extract more then get off your ass and work too, also support our children.

Bitter times for years and glad that's over, Daughter 34 and son 28 and both are like their mother, take, take and see what else we can get. Not communicated with them for 5/6 years now as it's always an ask.

To you the OP running away is not the answer and trying to avoid your trials and commitments to your children will/can be hunted down no matter where you live.

Support your kids and enjoy.

No work here unless you are a brain surgeon.

OMO.

Cheers, Steve.

@bigpearl

Thanks Steve, Im not so much running away, as protecting my sanity. So that in the future when the kids have grown up and they realise the BS their Mum has fed them is worong, then they will want to reconnect. I dont need a job there, I will be retiring, maybe start a small business and/or buy a condo, and Ill have my super in a few years. I will try to make a deal with the EX for a reasonable amount considering I will have no income.

AussieLP -- You are making many, many assumptions.

1) Your kids are 14 and 7.  They need you, not the pencils you pay for.  They need mentorship, guidance and love.  You will serve them better by being present with them.

2) 'When the kids realize the BS...'  When they hear and experience only her side of the story, guess which side they will believe.

3) "One day they'll come over for sure."  Um, total speculation.  You are expecting a 7 year old to understand your side of the story and you just left.

4) "I want out of this country.  I need my sanity back."  There are many, many, many sane people in Australia.  Australia is not the cause of your insanity.  Your insanity will come with you.

5) "On my terms."  Being absent, you have no input into your kids' lives.  It's "on their terms" whether they want to see you or have anything to do with you.

6) "I love my kids..."  Then demonstrate that.  Show them.  Be there for them.  Attend their recitals and sports events.  Help them with Science Fair projects.  Teach them how to fix their car, how to saw, how to use Microsoft Word, Visio, AutoCAD or whatever.

If you look for it, you will find your sanity right where you are.  I hope it's soon, because it sounds like you are about to abandon your kids to someone you don't trust.

Stef

@AussieLUVPhillipines

I have some bad news for you.

PM me on telegram @Trystianbeckett

My dad was never around when I was growing up - always overseas living the life of adventure. Literally. From Age 3 on... out of the country. He retired from the last job in Saudi when I was 27 or 28. He did come back once in a while actually, for R & R or between jobs, and was usually lit the whole time.

I hardly knew the man, sadly. He was a brilliant engineer. Sad for all of us. All the great stories and a $100 check sent at Christmas didn't begin to make up for no male guidance in our lives, either (my younger brother too). I hope you can realize how important it is to be there for them in person as much as you can.

Some very wise words and wisdom here from all perspectives and good to hear the different outtakes.

To the OP whether it's running away or hiding matters little, they are your children and need your support/input. Disappearing will harbour more anxiety especially at their ages. My mother walked out on us 4 kids when I was 7/8, ran of with another guy and had my half brother, married 3 times since and now pushing up the daisies at the ripe old age of 85, She was a self centered batch and never met my kids, the best thing I ever did was keep them away from her poison and manipulations, never spoke to her for over 35 years

Remember this sort of sh1t happens all the time no matter our home country or some foreign land, there is no escape. Maturity and responsibility ring a bell and while I won't get into sordid details I was always there for my kids and supported them both until their early 20's, university, somewhere to live, cars but as said it wore thin and eventually I learnt to say no, or ask your mother.  The emotional and financial support rendered was a waste of time as they turned out just like their mother and very similar to my abandoning mother.

Not heard from my kids for 6 years though I have tried and now learning to put all that behind me but in my heart I know I provided well both as a father as well as financially. Not sure what went wrong but perhaps me saying no in the end too many times.

To the OP, stay and work there as long as you can, support your children the best way possible, try to reason with your ex. At least in 10 years you will know you did the right thing.

Sorry for the blubber guys.

Cheers, Steve.

Although I am not an Aussie - I will chip in and give you my take.

If I were you I would pay the money and come to an arrangement with the Child Support Agency and your Ex. They will only try to find you anyway and if they do catch up to you some years down the line then you will be facing a hefty bill. Do the right thing, it is for your kids after all.

Secondly - I would stick around for a while also. I am not sure what sort of agreement you have regarding seeing your kids but I went through a similar situation 6 or 7 years ago. My Ex wife and I never had any problems regarding the payments and me seeing my daughter. It was just messy from the financial side. I look back and am grateful for every second I was and am able to spend with my daughter. I used to take her on holiday each year and we had a wonderful time together and I would encourage you to do the same if possible. The first thing I did when we got to her destination was to tell my daughter to message her mum to let her know she had arrived  safely.

Do not try turn your kids against your EX, it will not work, simply enjoy the time you spend with them. I used to spend time with my daughter going on day trips, to the cinema, bowling, eating out, etc and we are still very close now and even though she is at University now she still contacts me when she comes home and we arrange to go out. She loves her mum and me but now I think we are down the list a bit and I am last after boyfriend. friends and her mum. I accept that and am grateful for any time with her.

When I paid Child Maintenance, I also contributed towards extras like school trips and I would take her out shopping for clothes from time to time. You should do the same in my opinion.

If you move now you may loose your kids forever and that is not a chance I think you want to take.  The kids are the innocent parties in this situation and it is best to try work things out with your ex and the Child Support Agency and see your kids on a regular basis.

Wise words Cherryann especially the last paragraph but at the same time don't get screwed. Kids are the innocent victims  in the bounty of mutiny.

OMO.

Cheers, Steve.

@NN3M/DU3

I get where youre coming from man, but fo further context I see the 7 year old 3 nights a fortnight and the 14 year old 1 or two hours here and there.

This was the final wash up from the courts aftyer she brainwashed them.

I could go back to the courts, but the cost and pain is ridiculous.

And guess whose side they always favour?

So i feel like a part time, fun dad with no skin in the game.

She will never agree to much more interaction, time, as it lessens the money I have to pay her.

Now you see the bind Im in?

Being a part time fun dad is not such a bad thing if you think about it. Your Ex will do all the day to day mundane things like telling the kids what time to go to bed, taking them to school and back, cooking and doing the housework while you get to have fun times with them. Let them say up late, go for fun days out and enjoy your time with them. They will associate you with fun times and your ex will probably be stricter and have to say no more often than yes so they will look forward to seeing you and spending time with you.

Hmmm. . . . Child Support

If you were in America, various states handle it differently. What Americans can face is:  Frozen bank accounts, leans against real estate, wage attachments, loss of drivers license, forfeiture of income tax refunds and jail time.

@Enzyte Bob

God...I think its pretty much the same here.....!

Although here we throw another one in......loss of passport/freedom of movement

Why should you go overseas if you owe us (the government, and in turn your children) $$$??/ thats how they phrase it

AussieLuvPhilippines said to Enzyte Bob
God...I think its pretty much the same here.....!
Although here we throw another one in......loss of passport/freedom of movement
Why should you go overseas if you owe us (the government, and in turn your children) $$$??/ thats how they phrase it

****
    You have a mired of problems facing you, each problem is like fingers on your hand. The best way to solve them is one problem at a time, then move on to the next finger. The most difficult problem first.

   

@AussieLUVPhillipines

Hello from Anchorage Alaska and Argao Philippines. I was a single father for many years. My two children from that relationship are now adults. I was successful in getting primary custody due to having a good family law attorney. I collected child support for many years with only a few problems. My ex had a good job in the legal field and usually paid on time.  During the few times that she did not pay, CSED went after her quickly and even confiscated her passport on one occasion.  I did not get greedy in asking for numerous raises/  adjustments.  I only asked one time in 15+ years for a COLA.  I was able to take my children to the Philippines and other countries with the help of my attorney.  I agree with the other posters, do not abandon your children.  Hire a good attorney and fight for youre parental rights.  Ask the courts for permission to live in the Philippines part of the year with your children.    Australia is not that far away from the PI.  This has is doable. Also you can work in the PI as a foreigner.  Thousands of ex-pats are currently doing just that securing on line jobs ( remote) prior to coming to the Philippines. If you have specialized skills you can hire on with a multi national firm and get paid in AUS, USD etc while living in the Philippines.