禁漫天堂

Massive trouble you don't need to be part of.

Apart from getting involved with a supposed violent man, the number of Malaysian, Indonesian, and possibly UK laws that have been broken (if the above is true) is prison time stuff.

As for legal custody, the mother has first say in everything, so it would have to be a kidnapping.

Domestic violence is a police matter, and that's enough to get him deported, or it would be if she hadn't broken a bunch of laws that could get her arrested as well.

If you interfere, the police are likely to get interested in you as well.

Run!

There is no other advice, even if you say you won't.

In Yorkshire, we are known for just saying what we want, so here goes.

You would have to be a prize pillock to hang around.

Yeah I understand what you are saying and hopefully it doesn't go that direction and appreciate your advice. Just want her to be able to move on with her life.

As for the police being interested in me I haven't interfered at all so no fear there. I more fear for her safely and will do anything i can to ensure she's okay. If that means assisting her get the appropriate protection she requires in a legal process then that is fine. I am going to get legal help from someone in indonesia as my initial action. Possibly makes me a prize pillock but I also don't run away from threats or bullies.

Totally agree with Fred on this.聽 The situation is really complicated and you do not know for sure if someone is playing you. The kids father is paying her money each month so obviously he cares about his child. I don't know how long you have been dating this woman, but doesn't she seem like a person who likes to go out with western men? For that reason alone I would have moved on. No offence meant!

@ISparkyI

You will get into big trouble's with what you will never do if you are still with this woman. This is not a about "love", and you are not for her shield and a support for all her problems and cases that are not into your business. Keep thinking logically and never let yourself to be used no matter how subtle..

Possibly makes me a prize pillock but I also don't run away from threats or bullies. - @ISparkyI

Do you realise, if the man claims to be married to her, you can be arrested for being alone together regardless of what is or isn't happening?

Running from bullies is no good, but running towards them doesn't display intelligence.

Yeah it's no issue, and I do take each persons advice very seriously. I know this is not a game and have intelligence in dealing with situations like this. I appreciate opinions of people and have weighed up my options. Thanks so much for taking the time to reply.

@ISparkyI

Its quite clear from your initial post that you care for this woman. She has a child with a guy who is patently not fit to be a father. To beat a woman is about as low as a man can get. Its a cowardly act and who knows what he would do if he had custody of the child.

Some of the comments you have received on this forum are ill thought out and overly dramatic. You are in love with this woman and wish what is best for her.

Fred often shoots from the hip with his comments. I take issue with 鈥榶ou would have to be a prize pillock to hang around鈥� By 鈥榟anging around鈥� you are displaying strength and fortitude. My mother was from the English county of Yorkshire and yes she told it straight but did not run away from a problem and confronted it head on. Cowards bail out at the earliest opportunity. You are not one to your credit. Many western expats in your situation would have taken Freds and his side kick Wyngroves advice and taken off. He states 鈥淚 don't know how long you have been dating this woman, but doesn't she seem like a person who likes to go out with western men?鈥� What a load of Tosh. Because her first western boyfriend beat her up?

Fred states 鈥淒o you realise, if the man claims to be married to her, you can be arrested for being alone together regardless of what is or isn't happening?鈥� Assuming he goes to the Police which he won鈥檛. The proposed law of fornification is unlikely to be rigorously enforced. In any case it was a sham marriage.

Fred states 鈥淩unning from bullies is no good, but running towards them doesn't display intelligence.鈥�

The only way to stand up to bullies is to confront them head on. Most are cowards by nature.

You are wise to seek legal counsel Isparkyl. If the Indonesian Police do get involved the fact that a Bule is standing up for an Indonesian citizen against another violent abusive Bule is hardly going to get you into hot water.

Good luck and please do keep us updated.

@ISparkyI.

Fred often shoots from the hip with his comments. I take issue with 鈥榶ou would have to be a prize pillock to hang around鈥� By 鈥榟anging around鈥� you are displaying strength and fortitude.
Good luck and please do keep us updated. - @Lotus Eater

Regardless of country, getting into an argument of this nature is always going to bring trouble to your door.

A foreigner hunting out trouble in Indonesia is a very bad idea.

LE's post might well be right as far as morally goes, but it's terrible, nay, dangerous advice.

Short of anything else, you would be putting yourself into the middle of a situation where we know multiple laws have (assuming the woman isn't a liar) have been broken.

Strength and fortitude are lovely, but being a prize pillock is less so.

Find the part about a marriage certificate.

If she lied about her status, the certificate is invalid. It she didn't, she lied to the OP.

The story has more holes than a Swiss cheese.

Personally I would be worried about being arrested or deported or the ex-boyfriend sending around some naughty people to my place. And isn't what they did in Malaysia fraud? And if the guy keeps sending money to the woman do you imagine for a second that he would do nothing if some other guy came along and moved her and his son somewhere else? And what if the ex-boyfriend has connections with the police?

But what the heck, Lotus Eater says "don't be a coward" and "face the situation head on"'.

Again, I would just say that the situation is very complicated.

@wyngrove60

So does that mean the woman has to stay in her home town just because of the father that lives in a completely different area?聽 (same flight time as if she moved away) It would actually make life a lot easier for him to be honest. So I guess I am also asking does that mean she is also not allowed to have a boyfriend? I have never said that he would let him lose contact with his son, and have always encouraged him to call his dad, even though his dad calls him rarely. Of course I know he cares for his son, but he is also a woman basher (biter, puncher, strangler) . . if you saw the photos you would be shocked.

I guess the problem with online forums is people not knowing the full story and what this woman has been through. I am not scared of anyone coming around and if that is trouble for me then so be it. From a legal standpoint I am currently getting advice from an Indonesian lawyer and we are telling her story. She has nothing to hide. Doesn't make me a prize pillock if I don't follow the direction or advice of people on here. But I will always respect what people have to say so all good.

I guess the problem with online forums is people not knowing the full story and what this woman has been through. - @ISparkyI

What she has or has not gone through聽 isn't much to聽 do with the price of fish.

You asked for advice, and the only sensible course is to do a runner immediately.

You already know that getting into a 3 way is聽 a bad idea,聽 but when so many laws have been broken (assuming she isn't lying), it would seem extremely foolish.

Well firstly, I have not called anyone a "prize pillock" but I have been called a "sidekick" just for expressing my own personal opinion. I often disagree with Fred, but in this situation I just happen to agree with him, but some twat thought he was clever to call me a sidekick. I'm approaching 70 years of age, and at this age we tend to speak our minds and don't tend to be sidekicks of anyone.

So since she is not actually married under any law, then of course you could live wherever you wanted as could she, even you could get married to her. And as someone mentioned above, it seems that her ex-boyfriend has few rights over the child. So if you don't worry about all the things that I mentioned that could go wrong, then just do as you want. And yes speaking with a "good" lawyer is smart but not all lawyers are good lawyers.

No I don't care less about seeing photos of her bruises or whatever. I'm approaching 70 years old so I wold not be shocked at all.

Of course on an online forum, we never know the whole story because we know only what you have chosen to tell us. Also, we are only hearing one side of the story and your story is biased. We do not know for example much about the woman, her past and her ex-boyfriend, we only heard what you wanted us to hear. For me, I'd like to know what the girl's profession is, how they met, has she had many western boyfriends etc, but we don't have any of that, so how can we honestly make the assumption that she is a good person or that she is not a gold digger. I mean we don't know if they met in a bar or if she is a respectable educated woman, maybe an architect or a journalist. We just don't know. But from the little information you have given, we know she seems to prefer western guys, she has a kid out of wedlock, she lied on her kids birth certificate and she accepts money from her ex-boyfriend and she used to get beaten up a lot by her ex. That doesn't impress me.

I just hope that you are an experienced expat who has lived in Asia quite long and not one of those naive westerners new to Asia who fall in love with the first pretty face that comes along and shows interest in you. Sorry to say that, but I think that kind of thing happens a lot. Also, as mentioned above, I just hope that she is being totally truthful with you, because if she isn't then she might be playing you. I'm just saying. We don't know her or her ex. I also would not want to be with a girl that has a history of being abused by her ex-boyfriend, because maybe she does stuff that really pissed him off, maybe she flirts with his friends or sleeps around or steals his money or whatever. As I said, we are only hearing one side of this story, and in Asia girls might try very hard to land a western guy. And I assume that she is a good Muslim girl and that she doesn't smoke or drink alcohol and never has done?

Anyway, good luck with your life and hope everything works out, but since you asked for advice here on this forum I would just say to be cautious and don't get聽 yourself stuck in a difficult situation.

@wyngrove60

"I also would not want to be with a girl that has a history of being abused by her ex-boyfriend, because maybe she does stuff that really pissed him off, maybe she flirts with his friends or sleeps around or steals his money or whatever.I mean we don't know if they met in a bar or if she is a respectable educated woman, maybe an architect or a journalist."

So if the OP鈥檚 partner grew up tending rice fields in Java she a dishonourable woman? And IF the above is true does that justify physical injury?

Further extraordinary comments from the king of Tosh

Judge and Jury?

So if the OP鈥檚 partner grew up tending rice fields in Java she a dishonourable woman?
- @Lotus Eater

Yes.

I can say with some reasonable level of authority (derived from first hand witness to events not dissimilar from those in the OP), locals will see her as a whore.

Not 10 years ago I knew a woman who had a bastard and could not get a birth certificate. Local government officials simply refused to process her application.

Legal, moral, reasonable, or otherwise, that attitude is common.

@Lotus Eater

Nope! There you go again, making incorrect assumptions and your usual name-calling. You seem pretty good at that!

Obviously I was referring more to girls who might go to bars such as the ones in Bali or Jakarta just to hang out with foreigners. Nothing wrong with uneducated girls from kampung villages at all, as long as they don't hang out in bars looking for foreigners. Lots of girls, including educated ones would like to have an expat boyfriend or husband. It's just that if it is someone who drinks, smokes, hangs out at bars, then maybe we know less about her than we think. And also, what was she doing in Malaysia with a guy who beats her. Why not leave and go back to Indonesia? Why continue to hang around? Is it because he has money and having a nice lifestyle and the potential to get married to a foreigner and go live in the UK one day is worth getting beaten up a bit? Certainly you don't know the answer and neither do the rest of us. So knowing more about the girl's background is important.

If she is something like the above then in my opinion it absolutely isn't worth getting involved in her situation. Some of us prefer to stay away from such situations and people like that. However, I am sure that some expats who do like to go to bars and pick up easy women might disagree with my comments.

Basically there are too many unanswered questions and based on what we have been told the situation is not particularly good.

Hi there.
I know that any information would mostly be either opinion, or to the best of someones knowledge, but thought I would I ask the question anyway. And please let me know if I have put this on the wrong forum, as I am very new to posting on any forum.
I am currently in a relationship with my girlfriend who lives in Indonesia. She is separated with her ex boyfriend from the UK and they have a child together. She gave birth to her son in Malaysia. They have never been legally married, yet he lied on the forms to say they were married for their childs birth certificate. So the birth certificate has both their names on it, and states where their son was born. They lived in Malaysia for a short period of time, and then moved to an Indonesian city where he worked, and they lived together also for a short period of time.
During that time, he was forever cheating, treating her like absolute trash, and physically assaulting her (she has the photos to prove it) She moved from the toxic relationship back to Indonesia to live with her parents and her son to get away from the relationship. He has threatened her numerious times that he will come take her son away from her and take him to the UK.
Her son now has an Indonesian and UK passport. He has threatened her to say he has "legal documents including from the UK to say his son is a british citizen, and malaysia where he was born". (his words). He believes that he has full rights of custody of her son and tells her that he will come and take him away.
Believe me when I say, this man is a compulsive liar, he is a dangerous individual and I believe he has full potential to cause harm to either her or her familly. He lives currently in Indonesia on a working Visa in a city not far from her own. She is wanting to move to another city to live with me and her son. She is always cooperative, always allows him to see or talk to their son whenever he wants, and has stated on numerous occasions that the relationship between him and his son would never change.
Yet he is completely uncooperative, tells her what to do, threatens her with numerous actions, They have been living apart for over 3 years. Their son is currently 5 turning 6 this year.
She is an amazing mother, full of love and support for her son, she never says bad things about the father in front of her son, and wants them to continue seeing each other in the future. But this latest threat I believe ie because he might feel he is losing control over his son, so his only answer is to take him away. As a boyfriend, I would never stop him from seeing his boy. The support that he sends is absolute minimal when you understand what kind of wages he is actually learning (around 600 Aus Dollars) per month. (I also understand that at least he sending something)
I guess what I am asking is, does he really have such custody over his son? If they are both living in Indonesia and they are not married, or never been married. What would any of you do in this situation? I 100% will not be walking away from this relationship and will give her all the support I can offer, as she truly is an amazing woman and terrific mother.
Any advice in this situation would be great. Thanks so much. And apologies that my first post is dramatic. - @ISparkyI

Hii, I just wanted to share some insights based on what I know. I actually know a few people who have been in similar situations, so I鈥檓 just sharing what I鈥檝e learned from their experiences. Apologies if anything is off, but hopefully, this helps!

Under Indonesian law, if a child is born outside of marriage, the mother automatically has full custody.

The father doesn鈥檛 have legal rights over the child unless he goes through a legal process to establish paternity & fight for custody in court, which is quite difficult.

Can He Legally Take the Child?

Since they were never married, he does not automatically have the right to take the child.

If he wants custody, he would need to file a case in an Indonesian court & the chances of him winning are very low since the mother is the primary guardian by default.

Since the child has both Indonesian & UK passports, there鈥檚 a risk he might try to take them out of the country.

The mother can :

1. Request an immigration block, which prevents the child from leaving Indonesia without her consent.
2. Issue an official statement declaring that the father has no legal right to take the child abroad without her permission.
3. Report to authorities if she feels there鈥檚 a real threat.

If she feels unsafe, moving to another city is a good idea.

However, she should still allow the father to maintain contact with the child (as long as it's safe), so he doesn鈥檛 try to use that against her.

If he keeps making threats, she can file a police report under :

Domestic Violence Law if there鈥檚 proof of past abuse.

Electronic Information Law (ITE Law) if he鈥檚 making threats via text or online.

Article 335 of the Criminal Code, which covers intimidation & harassment.

My Advice, She should keep records of all threats, messages & past abuse as legal proof.

If she ever feels in danger, she can reach out to legal aid organizations or women鈥檚 protection groups in Indonesia (LSM/LBH).

Most importantly, she should stay informed & not let him manipulate her into thinking he has more legal rights than he actually does.

Again, this is just based on what I know from others who have faced similar issues. I hope this helps in some way & I really wish you both the best in handling this situation 馃槈

@Ryan_chaniago

Thank you for that measured response to the OP's GF's predicament. And I am sure Isparkyl will appreciate the fact that you have not implied that his girlfriend is some kind of ****

@Ryan_chaniagoThank you for that measured response to the OP's GF's predicament. And I am sure Isparkyl will appreciate the fact that you have not implied (***) that his girlfriend is some kind of ***. - @Lotus Eater

As I have said, that's exactly how locals will see her.

I realise you have no clue how things work here, so I will explain. The vast majority of girls are virgins until marriage, so an unmarried mother is viewed as a loose woman at best.

I can see how a strict moral structure could be beyond the understanding of people used to easy to bed women and dogging sites in every town, but Indonesian moral codes don't allow such things.

This is a problem the OP hasn't mentioned, perhaps because he's unaware.

Under Indonesian law, if a child is born outside of marriage, the mother automatically has full custody.
The father doesn鈥檛 have legal rights over the child unless he goes through a legal process to establish paternity & fight for custody in court, which is quite difficult.

Request an immigration block, which prevents the child from leaving Indonesia without her consent.
Issue an official statement declaring that the father has no legal right to take the child abroad without her permission.
Report to authorities if she feels there鈥檚 a real threat.
- @RRyan_chaniago

A fake birth certificate makes the above dodgy at best. That falsified document would heve been used for the KK, thus braking Indonesian laws as well.

Visits to the authorities are not without risk.

As for violence, a police report would go to immigration,and that would see his KITAS cancelled.

There are far too many holes in the OP's story to take it at face value.

I don't know whether his girlfriend is (ex) a whore or not, but this female is聽 kind of a "Bule hunter" and a golddigger. She wants to have a child from this b*d english guy because she thought that by having a child from that man her life would be secure even though she separated or broke up from that man she would get聽 tons of money and a luxurious glamorous life without having to work hard. LOL..I saw many local female's especially in southeast asia like this model although not all of them are like that, but I see more like that...And that is really, really embarrassing and degrading, especially for those of us who are truly sincere about having foreign partner聽 (bule) and loving them, not their money!